[haha someone strong who is cracking a little bit under the pressure, too. but she's trying. she has always tried to hold her head up high, and she'll keep doing just that, even if she shatters]
We have.
[lets out a deep breath, ignoring the way it stings her broken ribs]
. . . Barnham. . .
I'm not certain I have. . . ever felt this way before.
[it's worse than the regret. worse than the guilt she relayed to him after Tarvek's execution a few weeks ago. its heartbreak, and it makes her angry at herself and angry at the Sheriff, and gods she doesn't know what to do with it]
[but Barnham has always been able to help her with these feelings before, so she feels comfortable enough to bring them up to him again]
Edited (EVER AND NEVER HAVE TWO DIFFERENT MEANINGS) 2017-02-19 04:40 (UTC)
He admittedly doesn't know much of Milla's life. The lord of spirits schtick, the Four, everything that he's learned has been in bits and pieces, due to their own rough circumstances.
But he can see what she means.
To never have felt this sort of heartbreak and betrayal. To never have felt this sort of broken humanity... he thinks he understands that much, in his own way.
His own breaking had begun before this game but it'd been completed here.]
I fear... the helplessness only emphasizes these feelings.
[Heartbreak, compounded by the inability to do anything to fix it. Sadness and anger, compounded by helplessness.]
To lose so much, with no manner of recourse... [It's obscene, really. How is anyone supposed to cope with this?]
[she closes her eyes an scrunches her face together irately]
Knowing that loss will occur even when you attempt to take precautions to try and stop it.
[some of that anger returns, though it's laced with exhaustion. she!! doesn't like this!! and she still hates that Yuna and Russell died when she and Jason were trying to protect them!!]
I-- don't like the way this game is messing with my judgment. [not at all nope] I've let my emotions overtake my actions on more than one occasion now. It's unbecoming for a spirit of my stature.
[. . .]
[and the anger deflates]
What does one do with those feelings? How have you. . . managed to handle them?
They're both chipping quite a bit to be sure. There's no denying that. But Barnham... when Milla looks that exhausted, he finds that he can't not keep his chin up. He has to try to be strong for her, just as she's doing for him.
He sighs.]
... It is a game intended to mess with your judgement. Without doubt, that is its main goal. That has... never changed.
As for my feelings, I... [How has he handled them? He takes a drink of his glass, expression twisting.]
... I focus on what can be done, though there is little. I focus on those who require more assistance than I do.
[. . . yeah, that sounds about right. it's what she's always done, and it's what she's dong now. but she's always been in positions where she can do more, and that the total lack of power she felt she had after last night is just. . .]
[uuuugh]
[the last time she had been so afraid of losing people she cared about, she willingly gave up her life to save them. why couldn't she have done the same for Yuna. . .? for Sara?]
[perhaps it's because she was still needed alive]
. . .
Zacharias.
[first names again, 'cause it's time to get serious]
What Ash and Hannibal said during the trial was correct. If the Deputy kills the Bounty Leader, or if the Bounty Leader kills the Deputy, then this game may come to an end. And as the Sheriff hinted at the beginning of this game, the winner can choose the fates of those who have already died.
[a breath. she's still staring at her glass of wine]
But there is more to it than that. Perhaps they don't know, or perhaps they weren't willing to share in public. Either way, I'd like to share that extra information with you.
Maybe that will give you more focus. [maybe it'll give them both more focus]
He lifts his head at his name, and then he listens, intently. The information she's given matches up with what everyone said at the trial; his brow furrows as he ponders it. That's something that concerns him, admittedly; without knowing who the Bounty Leader is or who the Deputy is, he has no way of knowing what they will decide in the end.
And that's unacceptable. He can't let that happen, because everyone here has fought too hard to be consigned to death over a stupid game.
... More?
He lifts his chin further, looking at Milla certainly. If knowing more will help them find a way to save the most people they can... then he has to.]
... Please do.
[And maybe... between the two of them, they can figure this out.]
I find that...focus may be what is necessary to finally end this.
[And to keep him going to the end, as well. So... he'll listen to what Milla has to say.]
[she lifts a finger to trace the edges of her glass as she speaks]
The role that mans the stocks is the Deputy. The Deputy actually has the power to either place one person in the stocks per week, to make them more vulnerable to Bandits, or to place them in the jail cell to protect them from attempts on their lives.
So far, the Deputy has only been utilizing the stocks. They have the option to protect, but they haven't been using it.
As you can imagine, allowing someone like that to win this game is risky. Perhaps they would take pity on those who have died and send them back home alive, but is that a chance we wish to take?
[tilts her head to the side so she's looking at him now]
Conversely, the Bounty Leader is. . . [annnd here she hesitates, because she doesn't want to reveal too much, as much as she trusts Barnham. it isn't because of him, but for the sake of someone who needs to be protected] Someone whom I know would send everyone home alive. Someone whom I'm not even sure is capable of taking the Deputy's life. Someone. . . trustworthy.
[He understands what she's getting at here, and he's not going to ask who the Bounty Leader is. Some things, he thinks, are better known by fewer people. Milla is taking a big risk just telling him this much--and honestly, he appreciates her trust in him.
He draws in a slow breath.
Sacrificing one person for the good of everyone.
It's disgusting.
It's also the least disgusting option they have.]
... Do you know who the Deputy is?
[Is this even... something that can be done?]
As you said... the Bounty Leader must be the one to take the Deputy's life, or it's all for naught, correct?
[... He's so tired.
This business of deciding the fates of everyone... he's starting to think he's not suited to it.]
I've been trying to figure that out, but so far, nothing. And as of tomorrow, both of our investigative roles-- the ones with the abilities to see if someone else has a role or not-- will be dead.
[the Sheriff did say, after all, that one of the two Bandits for the week had a role. and by process of elimination, Milla was able to figure out which role it was]
So from here on out, I'll have nothing to go on but supposition, since I highly doubt the Deputy will confirm their role for me.
. . . but that's part of the reason I'm telling you this.
[and as for his second question, she shakes her head]
That is the most obvious way for the Bounty Leader to end and win the game. The Sheriff, however, informed me that there may be another way. If we can get creative, then perhaps. . . [. . .]
Perhaps our Bounty Leader can end the game without killing the Deputy.
[Barnham looks uncertain for a moment as he stares into his glass. What she's saying makes sense, but he's so unused to this sort of situation. He's always lived his life in certainties--the law was plain, and he followed it to the letter and made sure others did as well.
Nothing is plain here.
Nothing makes sense.
And the rules exist only to cause them trouble. To cause them harm. To kill them.
He clears his throat, and breathes out quietly:]
You intend to bring a new plan to the Sheriff. You believe if we can all come to some sort of an agreement...the game may end.
... I see. If nothing else, this has given me much to think on. I, too, will try to find another way to end this game--in such a way that we shall not lose anyone else.
[Everyone deserves to live, after all. It's not fair that this is the ultimatum they've been faced with.
He breathes out a soft sigh.]
... I shall tell no one of this conversation. Your knowledge and your musings are safe with me.
[so many people have died already. . . a number much larger than Milla had hoped for at the outset of this charade. so Barnham's words give her a bit of peace, and something else for her to latch onto in order to keep moving forward]
[someone else will be helping her try to end this with no more bloodshed. that thought is a comfort]
Thank you. This is what it means to be allies, after all. If you hear anything about the Deputy, please tell me, and I'll make sure that information reaches the right parties.
[and finally, she lifts her drink to her lips to take a swig]
. . . you and Sara are close, are you not?
[SUBJECT CHANGE. . . back to sad things, but. perhaps this subject will be easier to talk about in light of the information she just gave]
... Indeed. With Sara gone... it is up to us to be those cool heads for the others.
[SAVE THE CHILDREN.]
I fear I still do not know how to use them. [guns, that is. Fuck em.] I miss my sword as well, though... perhaps it is for the better I do not have a weapon at all, here.
[It sort of goes along with his NO MURDER 2K17 schtick.]
There is no need for thanks; you would have done the same for me. I simply... was given time to come to terms with the situation.
[since he found the bodies and all...and had to calm Natalie down too.]
...And you may be right, though I loathe the thought. Regardless, I do not know how to use those guns, and I will not carry around a weapon that would likely be more harm in my hands than not having it at all.
[she supposes she technically was as well, considering she actually SAW YUNA DIE, but. . . she nods at Barnham to affirm his assumption, and leaves it at that]
That's how I felt until Sara taught me how to wield one. Perhaps you could check the gunsmith for extra swords? Or ask the Sheriff to provide some for you.
[she hates asking the Sheriff for stuff, but honestly, he's been a good resource for her so far. when used correctly]
[... His mouth twists in response as he also thinks about asking the Sheriff for anything. Ugh.
And also...]
I am aware it is to protect myself. Such things are necessary.
But even so, I find that in this place... the line between "protect" and "murder" is not so wide as it should be. Though it may put me at risk... I would rather not carry a weapon at all if it could be used for harm.
[He feels very strongly about the justice that isn't being done here. Even if it's a little stupid in the end... the only justice he can make happen is by his own hands, and if that means absolutely refusing to play along to that extent, he will.]
I am aware it is... nonsense, of course. But even so...
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
We have.
[lets out a deep breath, ignoring the way it stings her broken ribs]
. . . Barnham. . .
I'm not certain I have. . . ever felt this way before.
[it's worse than the regret. worse than the guilt she relayed to him after Tarvek's execution a few weeks ago. its heartbreak, and it makes her angry at herself and angry at the Sheriff, and gods she doesn't know what to do with it]
[but Barnham has always been able to help her with these feelings before, so she feels comfortable enough to bring them up to him again]
no subject
He admittedly doesn't know much of Milla's life. The lord of spirits schtick, the Four, everything that he's learned has been in bits and pieces, due to their own rough circumstances.
But he can see what she means.
To never have felt this sort of heartbreak and betrayal. To never have felt this sort of broken humanity... he thinks he understands that much, in his own way.
His own breaking had begun before this game but it'd been completed here.]
I fear... the helplessness only emphasizes these feelings.
[Heartbreak, compounded by the inability to do anything to fix it. Sadness and anger, compounded by helplessness.]
To lose so much, with no manner of recourse... [It's obscene, really. How is anyone supposed to cope with this?]
no subject
Knowing that loss will occur even when you attempt to take precautions to try and stop it.
[some of that anger returns, though it's laced with exhaustion. she!! doesn't like this!! and she still hates that Yuna and Russell died when she and Jason were trying to protect them!!]
I-- don't like the way this game is messing with my judgment. [not at all nope] I've let my emotions overtake my actions on more than one occasion now. It's unbecoming for a spirit of my stature.
[. . .]
[and the anger deflates]
What does one do with those feelings? How have you. . . managed to handle them?
no subject
They're both chipping quite a bit to be sure. There's no denying that. But Barnham... when Milla looks that exhausted, he finds that he can't not keep his chin up. He has to try to be strong for her, just as she's doing for him.
He sighs.]
... It is a game intended to mess with your judgement. Without doubt, that is its main goal. That has... never changed.
As for my feelings, I... [How has he handled them? He takes a drink of his glass, expression twisting.]
... I focus on what can be done, though there is little. I focus on those who require more assistance than I do.
I do what I can, so as to not be overwhelmed.
no subject
[uuuugh]
[the last time she had been so afraid of losing people she cared about, she willingly gave up her life to save them. why couldn't she have done the same for Yuna. . .? for Sara?]
[perhaps it's because she was still needed alive]
. . .
Zacharias.
[first names again, 'cause it's time to get serious]
What Ash and Hannibal said during the trial was correct. If the Deputy kills the Bounty Leader, or if the Bounty Leader kills the Deputy, then this game may come to an end. And as the Sheriff hinted at the beginning of this game, the winner can choose the fates of those who have already died.
[a breath. she's still staring at her glass of wine]
But there is more to it than that. Perhaps they don't know, or perhaps they weren't willing to share in public. Either way, I'd like to share that extra information with you.
Maybe that will give you more focus. [maybe it'll give them both more focus]
no subject
He lifts his head at his name, and then he listens, intently. The information she's given matches up with what everyone said at the trial; his brow furrows as he ponders it. That's something that concerns him, admittedly; without knowing who the Bounty Leader is or who the Deputy is, he has no way of knowing what they will decide in the end.
And that's unacceptable. He can't let that happen, because everyone here has fought too hard to be consigned to death over a stupid game.
... More?
He lifts his chin further, looking at Milla certainly. If knowing more will help them find a way to save the most people they can... then he has to.]
... Please do.
[And maybe... between the two of them, they can figure this out.]
I find that...focus may be what is necessary to finally end this.
[And to keep him going to the end, as well. So... he'll listen to what Milla has to say.]
no subject
The role that mans the stocks is the Deputy. The Deputy actually has the power to either place one person in the stocks per week, to make them more vulnerable to Bandits, or to place them in the jail cell to protect them from attempts on their lives.
So far, the Deputy has only been utilizing the stocks. They have the option to protect, but they haven't been using it.
[does he see where she's going with this]
no subject
The Deputy seems intent on targeting those who are vulnerable, as well.
[Teens. Shinnosuke, blind. Russell, a child.]
I...was not aware the role could be used to protect.
[And... they haven't taken that option.
Shit.]
no subject
[YEAH]
As you can imagine, allowing someone like that to win this game is risky. Perhaps they would take pity on those who have died and send them back home alive, but is that a chance we wish to take?
[tilts her head to the side so she's looking at him now]
Conversely, the Bounty Leader is. . . [annnd here she hesitates, because she doesn't want to reveal too much, as much as she trusts Barnham. it isn't because of him, but for the sake of someone who needs to be protected] Someone whom I know would send everyone home alive. Someone whom I'm not even sure is capable of taking the Deputy's life. Someone. . . trustworthy.
[emphasis on "trustworthy"]
no subject
He draws in a slow breath.
Sacrificing one person for the good of everyone.
It's disgusting.
It's also the least disgusting option they have.]
... Do you know who the Deputy is?
[Is this even... something that can be done?]
As you said... the Bounty Leader must be the one to take the Deputy's life, or it's all for naught, correct?
[... He's so tired.
This business of deciding the fates of everyone... he's starting to think he's not suited to it.]
no subject
[a hint of frustration]
I've been trying to figure that out, but so far, nothing. And as of tomorrow, both of our investigative roles-- the ones with the abilities to see if someone else has a role or not-- will be dead.
[the Sheriff did say, after all, that one of the two Bandits for the week had a role. and by process of elimination, Milla was able to figure out which role it was]
So from here on out, I'll have nothing to go on but supposition, since I highly doubt the Deputy will confirm their role for me.
. . . but that's part of the reason I'm telling you this.
[and as for his second question, she shakes her head]
That is the most obvious way for the Bounty Leader to end and win the game. The Sheriff, however, informed me that there may be another way. If we can get creative, then perhaps. . . [. . .]
Perhaps our Bounty Leader can end the game without killing the Deputy.
no subject
[Barnham looks uncertain for a moment as he stares into his glass. What she's saying makes sense, but he's so unused to this sort of situation. He's always lived his life in certainties--the law was plain, and he followed it to the letter and made sure others did as well.
Nothing is plain here.
Nothing makes sense.
And the rules exist only to cause them trouble. To cause them harm. To kill them.
He clears his throat, and breathes out quietly:]
You intend to bring a new plan to the Sheriff. You believe if we can all come to some sort of an agreement...the game may end.
[Not in the way the Sheriff has planned.]
no subject
[like she said earlier, she isn't exactly sure the Bounty Leader can kill the Deputy, after all]
Unfortunately, we have no concrete plans to bring to him at the moment. We've been focusing most of our mental energies on locating the Deputy.
[which hasn't really left that much time for creative problem solving, but you know]
I'm hoping that once we find out who they are, then something will come to us.
no subject
... I see. If nothing else, this has given me much to think on. I, too, will try to find another way to end this game--in such a way that we shall not lose anyone else.
[Everyone deserves to live, after all. It's not fair that this is the ultimatum they've been faced with.
He breathes out a soft sigh.]
... I shall tell no one of this conversation. Your knowledge and your musings are safe with me.
no subject
[someone else will be helping her try to end this with no more bloodshed. that thought is a comfort]
Thank you. This is what it means to be allies, after all. If you hear anything about the Deputy, please tell me, and I'll make sure that information reaches the right parties.
[and finally, she lifts her drink to her lips to take a swig]
. . . you and Sara are close, are you not?
[SUBJECT CHANGE. . . back to sad things, but. perhaps this subject will be easier to talk about in light of the information she just gave]
no subject
He quirks an eyebrow at that, clearing his throat and nonchalantly glancing away.
Hm... "Close"...]
I suppose so. She has been someone most impressive during our time here. This...situation does not change that.
no subject
[no she just considered Sara to be a good friend and a steadying force for her. and she seemed to be something similar for Barnham, so. . .]
Ah. . . I agree. More than once she helped me remember to keep my head.
[although she is still mad at herself for losing it]
She also taught me how to use a firearm.
no subject
Indeed... she was skilled at a great many things. She settled me, too, when I was far too wound up.
[... As for the firearms...]
... Good. It is for the better that you are able to defend yourself with every tool at our disposal.
no subject
You said it before. Cooler heads, like Sara's, are just what this town needs.
[lets out a puff of air and takes another swig of her wine]
I don't like using them, to be frank. They're clumsy and awkward. I feel much more comfortable with a sword at my side, even if it isn't my own.
no subject
[SAVE THE CHILDREN.]
I fear I still do not know how to use them. [guns, that is. Fuck em.] I miss my sword as well, though... perhaps it is for the better I do not have a weapon at all, here.
[It sort of goes along with his NO MURDER 2K17 schtick.]
no subject
. . . I don't think I ever thanked you for stopping me from charging into the Sheriff's station yesterday.
[she's a little embarrassed, but he deserves her thanks]
And I think it'd be wise for you to arm yourself if you could. That way, you can protect yourself from the dangers this town poses.
no subject
There is no need for thanks; you would have done the same for me. I simply... was given time to come to terms with the situation.
[since he found the bodies and all...and had to calm Natalie down too.]
...And you may be right, though I loathe the thought. Regardless, I do not know how to use those guns, and I will not carry around a weapon that would likely be more harm in my hands than not having it at all.
[Maybe someday he, too, will have a sword.]
no subject
That's how I felt until Sara taught me how to wield one. Perhaps you could check the gunsmith for extra swords? Or ask the Sheriff to provide some for you.
[she hates asking the Sheriff for stuff, but honestly, he's been a good resource for her so far. when used correctly]
no subject
And also...]
I am aware it is to protect myself. Such things are necessary.
But even so, I find that in this place... the line between "protect" and "murder" is not so wide as it should be. Though it may put me at risk... I would rather not carry a weapon at all if it could be used for harm.
[He feels very strongly about the justice that isn't being done here. Even if it's a little stupid in the end... the only justice he can make happen is by his own hands, and if that means absolutely refusing to play along to that extent, he will.]
I am aware it is... nonsense, of course. But even so...
no subject
I understand.
If that's what your heart tells you to do, then you should follow it.
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