[he still doesn't seem to mind—maybe he's just needed some kind of physical comfort more than he realized.]
Mm.. that sounds right. Definitely going to be real quiet without him around now, too.
[there's no getting around it, his presence will be missed. even if he was an ass and gave noct a hard time, there was undoubtedly camaraderie there, even if it really only manifested properly when the bounties came together.
noct sighs quietly, fingers idly threading lightly through the ends of her hair as he considers what comes next.]
How... are you holding up? [with everything. the deaths, the state of the situation, her injuries—whatever.]
[see, this is why Milla is a big advocate for physical comfort. HER BOOKS WERE RIGHT!! ABOUT ONE THING!!]
Ah. . . I'm moving forward. Is that not all I can say?
[she could go into the specifics of what she's feeling yet again, but. . . she feels like she's done nothing but talk about her strange experiences with human emotions these past few weeks]
...Probably could say more than that. We're all... moving forward, but...
[he's worried about her. the fact that she does push forward so relentlessly even though they keep dealing with loss after loss...
he knows that bottling crap like that up doesn't work, and even if she's talked about it, it still seems like she tries to keep herself distanced from it just to keep going. so noct will look at her with brows knit slightly, but still unmoving beyond those idle motions with her hair.]
You never stop. Guess... I, uh. Just wanted to see how you're doing.
[she says with a bit of a smile. the thing about Milla is that she's a rather odd duck. . . bottling up emotion isn't always good, sure, but. this is how she copes. this is how she keeps herself from falling into despair]
[as long as she keeps moving, everything will be okay, no matter the outcome]
[his head tilts, curious—with the unintended result also being that he'd have to lean more into her touch to do that.]
It's... incredible, honestly. [it's hard to hide that he's a bit fascinated by it. she always finds a way to persevere and keep going, without losing faith in others.
his experience with her has been exactly that, and it's so far removed from him, and how he's struggled to find his own convictions—though as things have changed around him, he's been able to find at least some. there's little getting around that people like milla make him want to do better, though.]
Guess it's not obvious to me since I've... only really ever known one person like that.
[even with all the tragedy, even with all the loss, even with her injuries. it's just...]
I didn't think there was anyone else out there like her.
[yes, please lean more into her touch, it just means she might slip her hand from behind his ears to his cheek for a moment, before she returns to head patting. what the fuck this is cute]
Oh! You did?
[and now she sounds excited to learn more about the people Noctis knew]
What was her name? Can you tell me more about her?
[oh. well. he didn't entirely intend on that, and the warmth of her hand certainly makes that feel... pretty tangible? which is a little embarrassing, but she's patting his head once again after a minute anyway, so it's obvious just a fluke. a cute fluke, but a fluke.
—she does seem a bit enthralled by his statement, so he'll continue.]
Oh. Yeah, I, uh... mentioned her before. Luna.
[the one he'd been betrothed to.] She could communicate with the Six, and she could heal the people who had the scourge... a plague back home.
[he pauses, before he continues.] She... would always do what she wanted. She didn't let the Empire hold her back. She went out of her way to heal the sick, and to do whatever she could. Even if it would hurt her more in the long run.
...Even to the end, when she'd been hurt— [he pauses, closing his eyes for a moment a drawing a breath.] She saved me. She never let anything stop her, especially not when she had her duty to fulfill.
[maybe it was a fluke, ~maybe it wasn't.~ who knows!!]
[she listens with rapt attention, and she finds herself idly thinking that she'd probably like this Luna girl. they do sound quite a bit alike. her expression softens when Noctis get to the part about her death, and her hand once again drops to his cheek]
She sounds like she was an impressive, admirable person.
. . . perhaps you just have a tendency to attract people with those sorts of personalities.
though the second time seems decidedly less like a fluke and far more deliberate. but the touch is oddly comforting, especially when they're on this topic of all things.
he's probably still a little hung up on luna because twelve years is a long time—but the weeks following her death compounded with his weeks here have at least given him a bit of closure and acceptance that... well, she's not coming back. death at home is permanent, unlike here, where they can fix things.
but he's not dwelling too much on luna specifically, despite the fact that talking about her isn't the easiest thing. but milla's words do strike something in him; they really are alike in so many ways, even if milla is much... less human, technically speaking.]
...But maybe—maybe it's just that I do better around those types. [like they bring out something better in him, because they make him want to live up to those expectations they set.]
[. . . WOW THOSE ARE SOME SERIOUS JUDE PINGS SHE'S GETTING HERE. he had already passively reminded her of the young man she had so come to admire and trust back home, but that. . . well. that resonates with her far more than anything else had so far]
[her hand had meandered back up to his head, but it pauses as she blinks at him, a bit surprised]
. . .
Better, is it? As though. . . they bring out the best parts of you? As though they make you want to strive to be the kind of person they can admire?
[granted, that's what Jude made her want to be, but the sentiment is the same]
[there's definitely a moment where he looks a bit taken aback by what milla says—
even though it's not surprising that she'd call it like she sees it. but still, he feels a bit exposed, enough to actually look a bit flustered by it.]
Yeah. It's... pretty much something like that.
[why is milla so good at this and yet so baffled at things like her own grief?]
During my journey, I met a young man named Jude. He. . . well. He got himself into some trouble, although I am partially responsible for same. That's how we began traveling together.
[ugh. she misses Jude. and the fact that she knows she'll likely never see him again once she returns home just makes her a little more wistful. it's not that she regrets her choice to become Maxwell and reside in the spirit realm-- far from it. it's just. . . making that choice knowing that it would mean leaving Jude behind was tough]
At first, he seemed hesitant and uncertain in himself, but willing to help me in my mission. I could tell he admired me, but I didn't think much of it. I thought his opinion of me was, perhaps, a little over-inflated. But I suppose. . . at some point, he discovered his true inner strength.
[that's putting it mildly]
I watched him fight for what he believed in. Stand up for those weaker than him. Place himself in danger again and again to do what he felt was right. He's really the "do-gooder" type of person, you know?
. . . I suppose I came to trust him greatly. I suppose I started to admire him in return. And I suppose. . . I decided I wanted to be the Maxwell he believed I was. A Lord of Spirits worthy of his admiration.
[noct listens carefully, paying careful attention to the way she speaks and the words she uses. it's very clear to him that jude is someone incredibly important to milla—
though he's not quite sure in what way, or what her admiration means in regards to him. it does tug at him a bit, but he's not one to delve that deep, becuse it's a boundary he doesn't even know how to overstep. though milla is certainly less shy and far more forthcoming than he is...
he can think about how embarrassed he feels when people wanted to know what he really felt about luna, and noct knows he can't possibly pry that much.
but still, he draws in a breath, a bit taken by milla's fondness before he nods.]
He... sounds like a really good guy. Someone who'd be able to make you want to do that much better even when he already admired you.
It's... pretty impressive. [there's no getting around that. he wonders, briefly, if luna had ever felt that way with her oracle duties—
but it's a thought he shakes off, because he's not entirely sure he wants to think of all the possibilities that answer could hold.]
[Milla is Oblivious, news at 11!! although if he did ask, she probably wouldn't describe her feelings for Jude as romantic, anyway. they're something else. admiration and fondness, sure, but. . . there needs to be a specific word for a person who means a lot to you and makes you strive to be a better person!!]
Yes. He is impressive.
When we parted ways, he was planning on changing his career path from that of a doctor to a scientific researcher. He wanted to develop something called Spyrite technology, which could replace the spirit-killing Spyrix technology.
He intends to change the world. I believe that he can.
[feelings are weird and complicated. at least they can agree on that much, because noct has no idea what to make of any of his own anymore, it seems.]
It sounds like... he just might. [because that does sound legitimately impressive, especially to a guy like noct who definitely has no background in science.
though—]
There's really technology where you're from that kills spirits? [that seems mighty fucked up, especially given who milla is and all. color him curious, it seems like there's a lot about her world that he should be asking about.]
[and at that question, her expression hardens, and her hand stops in his hair again]
Yes.
[this just took a turn into seriousville, apparently]
Spyrix is technology that casts amplified spirit artes for the user. The process drains spirits of their mana and kills them. I've spent a good portion of the time I was living among humans destroying such technology. Its existence was a danger to both humans and spirits alike.
for a moment, he considers drawing back because of it, but then elects not to. instead... he finds the way his fingers thread through her hair to be a little more focused as he contemplates a response.]
But why—I mean.
[hold on, he needs to rephrase that.]
Why would people use that if that's what it does to the spirits? [he doesn't blame her for it, but... why is it a thing at all?]
Well, I don't believe they developed the technology just to kill spirits.
[for. what it's worth]
Humans are always striving for self-improvement, right? Unfortunately, that can be a flaw as well as an asset. It's like. . . [a beat] Like a infant trying to use a sharp knife to cut their food. A knife is a useful tool, but would you allow the infant to use something so dangerous at that age?
No. It's dangerous. A baby wouldn't know how to use it and they'd get hurt.
[which is why—]
It's the same with this spyrix stuff, huh? Useful, but hurting more than it helps or something.
[he's not sure it matches exactly, when a baby doesn't know at all and can't understand, while an adult can be made to understand, but he gets what she's trying to say.]
[well. . . it's far more complicated than that, and after a brief pause, she clarifies]
Or, that's what I thought at first. Some Spyrix is. . . necessary.
[as much as she hates to admit it]
But the mana produced by the destroyed Schism allows continued Spyrix use without the death of spirits as a side effect. It'll only last a finite amount of time, but by then, Jude will finish his Spyrite research.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I do. He-- how do humans say it. . . "refused to wear his heart on his sleeve?"
[yaaaay she got an idiom right!!]
He wouldn't let me comfort him after Yuna died, although I gave my best efforts. [. . .] He was obnoxious, but his presence will be greatly missed.
[he can totally play with the edges of her hair, she has no qualms with this]
no subject
Mm.. that sounds right. Definitely going to be real quiet without him around now, too.
[there's no getting around it, his presence will be missed. even if he was an ass and gave noct a hard time, there was undoubtedly camaraderie there, even if it really only manifested properly when the bounties came together.
noct sighs quietly, fingers idly threading lightly through the ends of her hair as he considers what comes next.]
How... are you holding up? [with everything. the deaths, the state of the situation, her injuries—whatever.]
no subject
Ah. . . I'm moving forward. Is that not all I can say?
[she could go into the specifics of what she's feeling yet again, but. . . she feels like she's done nothing but talk about her strange experiences with human emotions these past few weeks]
no subject
[he's worried about her. the fact that she does push forward so relentlessly even though they keep dealing with loss after loss...
he knows that bottling crap like that up doesn't work, and even if she's talked about it, it still seems like she tries to keep herself distanced from it just to keep going. so noct will look at her with brows knit slightly, but still unmoving beyond those idle motions with her hair.]
You never stop. Guess... I, uh. Just wanted to see how you're doing.
no subject
Your concern-- it's appreciated.
[she says with a bit of a smile. the thing about Milla is that she's a rather odd duck. . . bottling up emotion isn't always good, sure, but. this is how she copes. this is how she keeps herself from falling into despair]
[as long as she keeps moving, everything will be okay, no matter the outcome]
But this is who I am. Isn't that obvious?
I can stop when this game ends.
no subject
It's... incredible, honestly. [it's hard to hide that he's a bit fascinated by it. she always finds a way to persevere and keep going, without losing faith in others.
his experience with her has been exactly that, and it's so far removed from him, and how he's struggled to find his own convictions—though as things have changed around him, he's been able to find at least some. there's little getting around that people like milla make him want to do better, though.]
Guess it's not obvious to me since I've... only really ever known one person like that.
[even with all the tragedy, even with all the loss, even with her injuries. it's just...]
I didn't think there was anyone else out there like her.
no subject
Oh! You did?
[and now she sounds excited to learn more about the people Noctis knew]
What was her name? Can you tell me more about her?
no subject
—she does seem a bit enthralled by his statement, so he'll continue.]
Oh. Yeah, I, uh... mentioned her before. Luna.
[the one he'd been betrothed to.] She could communicate with the Six, and she could heal the people who had the scourge... a plague back home.
[he pauses, before he continues.] She... would always do what she wanted. She didn't let the Empire hold her back. She went out of her way to heal the sick, and to do whatever she could. Even if it would hurt her more in the long run.
...Even to the end, when she'd been hurt— [he pauses, closing his eyes for a moment a drawing a breath.] She saved me. She never let anything stop her, especially not when she had her duty to fulfill.
no subject
[she listens with rapt attention, and she finds herself idly thinking that she'd probably like this Luna girl. they do sound quite a bit alike. her expression softens when Noctis get to the part about her death, and her hand once again drops to his cheek]
She sounds like she was an impressive, admirable person.
. . . perhaps you just have a tendency to attract people with those sorts of personalities.
no subject
though the second time seems decidedly less like a fluke and far more deliberate. but the touch is oddly comforting, especially when they're on this topic of all things.
he's probably still a little hung up on luna because twelve years is a long time—but the weeks following her death compounded with his weeks here have at least given him a bit of closure and acceptance that... well, she's not coming back. death at home is permanent, unlike here, where they can fix things.
but he's not dwelling too much on luna specifically, despite the fact that talking about her isn't the easiest thing. but milla's words do strike something in him; they really are alike in so many ways, even if milla is much... less human, technically speaking.]
...But maybe—maybe it's just that I do better around those types. [like they bring out something better in him, because they make him want to live up to those expectations they set.]
no subject
[her hand had meandered back up to his head, but it pauses as she blinks at him, a bit surprised]
. . .
Better, is it? As though. . . they bring out the best parts of you? As though they make you want to strive to be the kind of person they can admire?
[granted, that's what Jude made her want to be, but the sentiment is the same]
no subject
even though it's not surprising that she'd call it like she sees it. but still, he feels a bit exposed, enough to actually look a bit flustered by it.]
Yeah. It's... pretty much something like that.
[why is milla so good at this and yet so baffled at things like her own grief?]
no subject
I apologize if that took you off guard. It's just-- well. I know how that feels.
no subject
but her response does surprise him a bit.]
...You do? [it's definitely unexpected.]
no subject
During my journey, I met a young man named Jude. He. . . well. He got himself into some trouble, although I am partially responsible for same. That's how we began traveling together.
[ugh. she misses Jude. and the fact that she knows she'll likely never see him again once she returns home just makes her a little more wistful. it's not that she regrets her choice to become Maxwell and reside in the spirit realm-- far from it. it's just. . . making that choice knowing that it would mean leaving Jude behind was tough]
At first, he seemed hesitant and uncertain in himself, but willing to help me in my mission. I could tell he admired me, but I didn't think much of it. I thought his opinion of me was, perhaps, a little over-inflated. But I suppose. . . at some point, he discovered his true inner strength.
[that's putting it mildly]
I watched him fight for what he believed in. Stand up for those weaker than him. Place himself in danger again and again to do what he felt was right. He's really the "do-gooder" type of person, you know?
. . . I suppose I came to trust him greatly. I suppose I started to admire him in return. And I suppose. . . I decided I wanted to be the Maxwell he believed I was. A Lord of Spirits worthy of his admiration.
no subject
though he's not quite sure in what way, or what her admiration means in regards to him. it does tug at him a bit, but he's not one to delve that deep, becuse it's a boundary he doesn't even know how to overstep. though milla is certainly less shy and far more forthcoming than he is...
he can think about how embarrassed he feels when people wanted to know what he really felt about luna, and noct knows he can't possibly pry that much.
but still, he draws in a breath, a bit taken by milla's fondness before he nods.]
He... sounds like a really good guy. Someone who'd be able to make you want to do that much better even when he already admired you.
It's... pretty impressive. [there's no getting around that. he wonders, briefly, if luna had ever felt that way with her oracle duties—
but it's a thought he shakes off, because he's not entirely sure he wants to think of all the possibilities that answer could hold.]
no subject
Yes. He is impressive.
When we parted ways, he was planning on changing his career path from that of a doctor to a scientific researcher. He wanted to develop something called Spyrite technology, which could replace the spirit-killing Spyrix technology.
He intends to change the world. I believe that he can.
no subject
It sounds like... he just might. [because that does sound legitimately impressive, especially to a guy like noct who definitely has no background in science.
though—]
There's really technology where you're from that kills spirits? [that seems mighty fucked up, especially given who milla is and all. color him curious, it seems like there's a lot about her world that he should be asking about.]
no subject
Yes.
[this just took a turn into seriousville, apparently]
Spyrix is technology that casts amplified spirit artes for the user. The process drains spirits of their mana and kills them. I've spent a good portion of the time I was living among humans destroying such technology. Its existence was a danger to both humans and spirits alike.
no subject
yeah, it sure did.
for a moment, he considers drawing back because of it, but then elects not to. instead... he finds the way his fingers thread through her hair to be a little more focused as he contemplates a response.]
But why—I mean.
[hold on, he needs to rephrase that.]
Why would people use that if that's what it does to the spirits? [he doesn't blame her for it, but... why is it a thing at all?]
no subject
[for. what it's worth]
Humans are always striving for self-improvement, right? Unfortunately, that can be a flaw as well as an asset. It's like. . . [a beat] Like a infant trying to use a sharp knife to cut their food. A knife is a useful tool, but would you allow the infant to use something so dangerous at that age?
no subject
No. It's dangerous. A baby wouldn't know how to use it and they'd get hurt.
[which is why—]
It's the same with this spyrix stuff, huh? Useful, but hurting more than it helps or something.
[he's not sure it matches exactly, when a baby doesn't know at all and can't understand, while an adult can be made to understand, but he gets what she's trying to say.]
no subject
[well. . . it's far more complicated than that, and after a brief pause, she clarifies]
Or, that's what I thought at first. Some Spyrix is. . . necessary.
[as much as she hates to admit it]
But the mana produced by the destroyed Schism allows continued Spyrix use without the death of spirits as a side effect. It'll only last a finite amount of time, but by then, Jude will finish his Spyrite research.
no subject
[he's wrapping his head around the pieces of information being given to him and what he knows from the things she told him previously.]
The Spryix thing won't be a problem then, and less spirits will die, right?
no subject
[she beams!]
And the nature that died alongside the spirits will begin to recover, bit by bit. It's already happening.
(no subject)