[come Thursday morning (after checking the stocks to fuss over its latest victim, naturally), Milla begins her search for the older bat kid in Whole Ass. she starts at the hotel and, when that proves useless, she peeks into each of the opened buildings in turn, hoping one will hold the person she seeks]
[she hits the lottery when she pokes her head through the clinic's doorway to see Jason pilfering painkillers and the like. victory!!]
Good morning, Jason. Hard at work, I see.
[she won't judge him for his life choices, she promises]
[Jason pauses as she enters, halfway through stuffing yet another bottle of pills into his pocket. The "hard at work" bit gets him to grin sheepishly, but it doesn't stop him from nodding in acknowledgement. Hello, Milla. How are you? Is everything alright in the land of mini-skirts?
This is about the time he'd say good morning back, but. Well. Maybe his tongue is hanging out with Natalie's arm. It is a mystery.]
[either way, she takes his nod as a "good morning" and steps further into the clinic, making sure no one is following her inside as she does so. she looks a little suspicious??]
Did you bring something on which to write? I have. . . [a pause. she's pretty sure she can be completely up front here, but after five weeks of keeping her head down, some habits die hard.] A few things I'd like to discuss with you.
[Wow. Way to be sketchy, Milla. It's good Jason trusts her, or else she would be getting far more than a simple raise of his eyebrows. Nodding once again, however, he pulls a notebook and pen out. The pen is the same he's been using for the past week, but the notebook is definitely new.
Hm.
Showing both items to her, he gestures for her to continue. What is it?]
[That gives him a pause. He knows about the pieces on the chessboard, as she so aptly puts it. He even knows about her, but he isn't certain if that knowledge goes both ways.
[honestly, she. . . sort of suspects, considering who she has been talking to. and she can't help but smile a little bit to herself at his answer]
I'm asking mostly to make sure we're on the same page. I'd like a favor from you, and in asking I'd prefer to be completely honest about my intentions.
[she gives him a few days. undoubtedly, he needs them after the emotional gut punch of this week's trial. she's worried, but she doesn't want to press too much, and she knows (from her books) that teenagers can be especially difficult to deal with when they're angry. but when Monday rolls around, she finds that she can't stay any longer. and so, she searches for him]
[she finds Jason at the homestead tending to animals, of course. Felix the chicken is right on her heels, pecking at the ground every so often as he walks. her approach is cautious, but not hesitant. she imagines he's still angry]
[He's tired, honestly. An all-encompassing sense of weariness weighting down on his bones and causing his body to feel like it's made out of lead. He doesn't feel as angry as he did the other day, but... that may or may not be a good thing. After all, it's been rage and anger and indignation that has driven him to survive through all his life. If it weren't for that, he doubts he would have lasted for as long as he did.
For now, however, the boiling rage from Saturday has been replaced with numbness. Though the anger is still there, there is little else beside it. Yuna, Xion, Shinnosuke, Natalie — they're all gone, along with so many other good people who didn't deserve to die. People he wishes he could have gotten to know better, but didn't.
When Milla finds him, he's feeding the horses in an attempt to keep his mind off their seemingly inevitable doom. It's producing mixed results, but he does look up when she calls his name, staring at her for all of two seconds before quickly looking away. He's... well. He's not angry at her, per say, but he did injure her ribs again with his little stunt at the Town Hall. And even though it was a necessary evil, he still feels ashamed over that.
... He's not telling her to buzz off, though. That's good? Probably.]
[it is something! and she takes it as an indication that it's okay for her to stick around. once she's close enough, she reaches out to place her hand on the horse's neck, fingers running across the animal's fur and mane. she can. . . kind of tell what's on Jason's mind, based on his body language, so she doesn't waste any time in trying to ease his guilt]
My ribs are fine, by the way.
[she says as she lifts her other hand to pat them gently]
It stung a bit, but you didn't do any further damage. And I'm not angry at you, either.
[She says she's not angry, but she should be. If not for Noctis and Damian acting quickly, he could have seriously hurt her. He wanted to hurt her, for getting in the way and for stopping him from bloodying his hands. Part of him knows why she and the others did it. Part of him is well aware that there is a line that would have been crossed — one he wouldn't have been able to come back from later. He knows this, but the part of him that grew up in the streets still feels like it's been deprived of something vital.
An eye for an eye. Cutting down those who hurt one of your own. That's the way it's supposed to be.
But he knows it's not, and that if he threads down this path, he'll end up just like his adult self. A murderer. So exhaling sharply through his nose, he shakes his head at her. All he's carrying with him today is a rulebook and a pencil, his notebook set aside permanently.
On it, he writes:]
But I wanted to. You should be angry at me.
[Like, he absolutely wanted to wreck her for getting in his way. That's a fact.]
[she says simply, very much aware of that fact. but somehow, it doesn't change things]
I was in your way. I deprived you of something you felt was rightfully yours. [revenge] If anything, you should be angry at me.
[nevertheless, her eyes slip shut and she bows her head slightly]
But. . . I stopped you, because I didn't want to see you make that decision in the heat of the moment. That's all.
[if it had been one he wanted after he had the chance to calm down, then things would've been different. at least then, he would've had time to consider all of his choices. he would've had time to seriously contemplate whether he wanted to start down the road of blood and vengeance on his own. but in the middle of the trial, seconds after snapping angrily at Natalie's bloodied killer. . . she didn't want him making any choices that he might have regretted]
[It hurts. There's something squeezing at his chest, making every breath he takes an effort. Milla is such a good friend, he realizes. He had been right in thinking she was trustworthy all those weeks ago, secretly putting his faith in her to keep Damian safe even before she knew he had learned of her role. Milla is such an amazing person, and he doesn't know what he's done to deserve having her around him. She stopped him from making a choice he would regret later, and yet—
"You believe it's better to get rid of criminals permanently. So you kill them."
He doesn't know if he'll ever escape his future. He doesn't know if his emotions will get the better of him one day, causing him to make a choice he won't ever come back from. He... Well. When he writes something down again, he has trouble meeting Milla's gaze.]
When I'm older, I become a murderer. I will kill people because I think they deserve it. [...] But that's not a future I want. I don't want to be a crook. So thank you for stopping me, Milla.
[He trusts her. She's saved his ass more than once, and... he thinks she might be the only one who's possible reaction to this doesn't make him afraid.]
[she opens her eyes to read what he wrote, and her reaction is to just. . . smile. she doesn't pass judgment against people for killing-- not even here, in this town, where people die every single week. after all, she took lives back home in her capacity as the Lord of Spirits. she killed a few men in order to save the lives of millions. her hands weren't clean, and she was okay with that]
[but to see his resolve in the words he wrote. . . that she can admire]
I believe in you.
[she says with a nod]
I believe that if that isn't the future you want, then you'll be able to make the correct choices that allow you to follow the path you most desire. And if my stopping you helped you stay on that path, then. . . you're welcome.
[Jason is a good kid, anger issues or not. she has faith in him. she has faith in his future]
Good to know this continues to be true and accurate.
Which is to say, Milla continues to be one of the most amazing individuals Jason has had the pleasure of meeting. Damian would scream at him for wanting to change the future. Call him selfish, perhaps. Or an idiot, if he wants to be more accurate. But he refuses to allow his future to be decided by someone who wishes to use him as a tool against his family.]
Thank you.
[Even if he's still battling against the resentment, he means it. Thank you for believing in him, Milla.]
[AND YET EVERYONE DIED IN THE END ANYWAY??? CRIES]
[she thinks it's himself he has to worry about letting down more than her, but nevertheless, she reaches out to ruffle his hair slightly. she hadn't really tried the "physical contact as comfort" thing with Jason yet, so she doesn't know how he'll respond to same. thus, she keeps the contact short and light]
Have you tried writing Natalie a letter? If there's something you wish to say to her, then perhaps writing it down might help.
[. . . Jason really does know a lot more than he was letting on. she's grateful, almost, because it keeps her from having to explain things to him]
[and it helps affirm the fact that he's trustworthy. if he's known all along and she wasn't aware of this fact, then he's been keeping his mouth shut. good.]
She is. But I know for a fact that if she goes out there, she'll be in great danger. [closes her eyes with a small sigh] I tried to convince her to stay inside, but she wouldn't. So the best thing I can do is go with her.
You once asked me to promise to take you with us if we spent the night outside at the stocks again. I'd like to keep that promise.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
week 5, thursday morning, clinic
[she hits the lottery when she pokes her head through the clinic's doorway to see Jason pilfering painkillers and the like. victory!!]
Good morning, Jason. Hard at work, I see.
[she won't judge him for his life choices, she promises]
no subject
This is about the time he'd say good morning back, but. Well. Maybe his tongue is hanging out with Natalie's arm. It is a mystery.]
no subject
[either way, she takes his nod as a "good morning" and steps further into the clinic, making sure no one is following her inside as she does so. she looks a little suspicious??]
Did you bring something on which to write? I have. . . [a pause. she's pretty sure she can be completely up front here, but after five weeks of keeping her head down, some habits die hard.] A few things I'd like to discuss with you.
no subject
Hm.
Showing both items to her, he gestures for her to continue. What is it?]
no subject
I suppose. . .
[. . .]
[where does she even start?? from the beginning, of course]
How much do you know about this game? About the pieces on the chessboard?
no subject
So his reply, while honest, is a little vague.]
Enough. That depends on why you're asking, Milla.
no subject
I'm asking mostly to make sure we're on the same page. I'd like a favor from you, and in asking I'd prefer to be completely honest about my intentions.
no subject
I know you have a role, and that you're collaborating with someone else. [Damian.] Is that what you wanted to know?
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It is, yes. But even so, I believe you should hear it from me.
[she stands up a little straighter, one hand propped on her hip]
I am one of this game's Bounties, and I'd like to enlist your assistance in protecting our Bartender.
week 7, monday
[she finds Jason at the homestead tending to animals, of course. Felix the chicken is right on her heels, pecking at the ground every so often as he walks. her approach is cautious, but not hesitant. she imagines he's still angry]
[and she doesn't blame him]
Jason?
no subject
For now, however, the boiling rage from Saturday has been replaced with numbness. Though the anger is still there, there is little else beside it. Yuna, Xion, Shinnosuke, Natalie — they're all gone, along with so many other good people who didn't deserve to die. People he wishes he could have gotten to know better, but didn't.
When Milla finds him, he's feeding the horses in an attempt to keep his mind off their seemingly inevitable doom. It's producing mixed results, but he does look up when she calls his name, staring at her for all of two seconds before quickly looking away. He's... well. He's not angry at her, per say, but he did injure her ribs again with his little stunt at the Town Hall. And even though it was a necessary evil, he still feels ashamed over that.
... He's not telling her to buzz off, though. That's good? Probably.]
no subject
My ribs are fine, by the way.
[she says as she lifts her other hand to pat them gently]
It stung a bit, but you didn't do any further damage. And I'm not angry at you, either.
no subject
An eye for an eye. Cutting down those who hurt one of your own. That's the way it's supposed to be.
But he knows it's not, and that if he threads down this path, he'll end up just like his adult self. A murderer. So exhaling sharply through his nose, he shakes his head at her. All he's carrying with him today is a rulebook and a pencil, his notebook set aside permanently.
On it, he writes:]
But I wanted to. You should be angry at me.
[Like, he absolutely wanted to wreck her for getting in his way. That's a fact.]
no subject
[she says simply, very much aware of that fact. but somehow, it doesn't change things]
I was in your way. I deprived you of something you felt was rightfully yours. [revenge] If anything, you should be angry at me.
[nevertheless, her eyes slip shut and she bows her head slightly]
But. . . I stopped you, because I didn't want to see you make that decision in the heat of the moment. That's all.
[if it had been one he wanted after he had the chance to calm down, then things would've been different. at least then, he would've had time to consider all of his choices. he would've had time to seriously contemplate whether he wanted to start down the road of blood and vengeance on his own. but in the middle of the trial, seconds after snapping angrily at Natalie's bloodied killer. . . she didn't want him making any choices that he might have regretted]
no subject
"You believe it's better to get rid of criminals permanently. So you kill them."
He doesn't know if he'll ever escape his future. He doesn't know if his emotions will get the better of him one day, causing him to make a choice he won't ever come back from. He... Well. When he writes something down again, he has trouble meeting Milla's gaze.]
When I'm older, I become a murderer. I will kill people because I think they deserve it. [...] But that's not a future I want. I don't want to be a crook.
So thank you for stopping me, Milla.
[He trusts her. She's saved his ass more than once, and... he thinks she might be the only one who's possible reaction to this doesn't make him afraid.]
no subject
[but to see his resolve in the words he wrote. . . that she can admire]
I believe in you.
[she says with a nod]
I believe that if that isn't the future you want, then you'll be able to make the correct choices that allow you to follow the path you most desire. And if my stopping you helped you stay on that path, then. . . you're welcome.
[Jason is a good kid, anger issues or not. she has faith in him. she has faith in his future]
no subject
Good to know this continues to be true and accurate.
Which is to say, Milla continues to be one of the most amazing individuals Jason has had the pleasure of meeting. Damian would scream at him for wanting to change the future. Call him selfish, perhaps. Or an idiot, if he wants to be more accurate. But he refuses to allow his future to be decided by someone who wishes to use him as a tool against his family.]
Thank you.
[Even if he's still battling against the resentment, he means it. Thank you for believing in him, Milla.]
I promise I won't let you down.
no subject
She's protecting the stocks tonight, isn't she?
[He knows who it is, Milla. Probably not for as long as she has, but at least she won't have to go through any formalities.]
no subject
[she thinks it's himself he has to worry about letting down more than her, but nevertheless, she reaches out to ruffle his hair slightly. she hadn't really tried the "physical contact as comfort" thing with Jason yet, so she doesn't know how he'll respond to same. thus, she keeps the contact short and light]
Have you tried writing Natalie a letter? If there's something you wish to say to her, then perhaps writing it down might help.
no subject
[and it helps affirm the fact that he's trustworthy. if he's known all along and she wasn't aware of this fact, then he's been keeping his mouth shut. good.]
She is. But I know for a fact that if she goes out there, she'll be in great danger. [closes her eyes with a small sigh] I tried to convince her to stay inside, but she wouldn't. So the best thing I can do is go with her.
You once asked me to promise to take you with us if we spent the night outside at the stocks again. I'd like to keep that promise.