Milla Maxwell (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
thatsthespirit) wrote2017-02-19 02:37 pm
thatsthespirit) wrote2017-02-19 02:37 pmEntry tags:
[Shinnosuke]
[private convos for Shinnosuke!]
thatsthespirit) wrote2017-02-19 02:37 pm
week 5, sunday, evening
[some of Milla's resolve has returned by Sunday evening, but she can still feel the exhaustion weighing her down and she knows she needs to slow down and rest for a bit. and not just because her physical body is still rebelling against her]
[but she doesn't return to her room to sleep, not yet. instead, she wanders around the hotel, looking for a certain sarcastic butt head whom she is sure is feeling the effects of this week just as much as she is. when she finds him, just like last time, she makes sure her approach is loud enough so she doesn't startle him. she's polite!]
I see you're not sleeping either, Shinnosuke.
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He smiles, doing his best to hide the exhaustion that's seeping even into him.]
Well, I suppose so. Don't you need your beauty sleep, though?
[he has no feelings]
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Perhaps, but I think I can put it off for a bit longer. My limbs haven't completely given out on me just yet.
[although she feels like they might be close]
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As though Natalie's arm, Seizaburo's leg, your eyes and Jason's tongue weren't enough? This place is more bloodthirsty than I thought.
[look she's trying to make a joke be proud of her. even if it's kind of, uh. morbid]
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It might be funny to have you hobbling around on one leg...
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[or she could just get one at the clinic, but. . . you know]
[after another moment, she says something else]
Is this how you cope? With humor?
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[why did she take this from silly to serious in like .2 seconds flat]
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I knew from the beginning that she was going to die for a reason like this. I'm not surprised.
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[there's something about watching his mask crack that makes her even more exhausted than she was before. she folds her arms, bows her head, and closes her eyes. her voice softens]
. . . I knew she would die if she went out there as well.
The Sheriff got rid of her on purpose.
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I've been calling her death since the first week. [...] But we discussed that much about the Sheriff on Friday, didn't we?
If that's all you want to talk about, then this discussion is done.
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No, that isn't all I wanted to talk about.
[. . .]
I honestly wanted to see how you were faring. Yuna, Sara, and all of the other deaths on top of them.
We're all very tired.
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I'm fine. Thanks for checking. Bye-bye.
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You seem to be very-- ah. . . how do humans put it?
"Allergic to feelings."
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You're imagining it.
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[folds her arms and leans her shoulder against the wall, just to give her legs some rest]
To be frank, I'm not very good with human emotions either. Most of the things this game has made me feel-- regret, fear, and heartache especially-- are all foreign concepts to me. I had read about them, but-- [she had spent most of her life being confident and prideful in the choices she's made. so this? is different. and she doesn't like it]
[she aborts that line of thought and shakes her head]
I am not so great at offering comfort, either. But I'd like to. . . try.
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Careful. Yuna tried pulling the same thing on me and she died the next night. [... Which is all the more reason that this hurts, really.] Besides, are you sure it's me who needs comfort, and not you?
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[and yet. . .]
Though I don't see why it can't work both ways.
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[He's really not.]
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[nevertheless, she lifts a hand to her chin contemplatively]
Does saying it over and over again make it true? I've noticed a lot of people tend to say that they're fine when circumstances make it clear that they aren't.
I suppose it's. . . ah. "Mind over matter?"
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Ah, so that's what this is? Part of your study on humans? That makes much more sense.
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[well, it kind of is, but not for purely academic reasons]
I just wish to understand. [. . .] . . . so I can better understand myself, and those around me.
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[so blunt]
If you'd let me.
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And what point is there in that?
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Because the number of people still alive in this town is quickly dwindling, as is the number of people I can trust.
And because. . . you were also Yuna's friend.
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[Though the pause and the quiet way he says it gives him away, even if he weren't already obvious at this point.]
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You and I are working for the same goal, are we not? And we share the same role, the same purpose in this game. I think that's reason enough to trust that we can work together.
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You and Percy are the same, you know that?
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[she asks, but oddly enough she doesn't seem very surprised to hear that]
Did he say something similar to you?
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[honestly?? but her next question is more serious]
Why is that?
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[He can't see her raise her eyebrows, so as far as he knows, they're both just standing here in silence!!]
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[it's Milla who finally breaks the silence]
That's a surprisingly lighthearted response for such a serious topic.
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Was it a serious topic?
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[she thinks she's starting to really understand this sort of approach to dealing with negative feelings]
[there's a hint of a wry smile in her voice when she speaks]
. . . but if this is how you choose to keep yourself strong enough to move forward, then I suppose I'm not in a position to judge you.
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[she says a bit lightly]
And you also can't control when people worry about you, Shinnosuke.
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[And Shinnosuke's entire policy on emotions is "if it's not needed, then get rid of it."]
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[ha]
But not all emotions are. . . productive. Or even logical.
[ALSO DAMN IT JAN!!!!]
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[ :') ]
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[it's that nothing is that simple]