[she gives him a few days. undoubtedly, he needs them after the emotional gut punch of this week's trial. she's worried, but she doesn't want to press too much, and she knows (from her books) that teenagers can be especially difficult to deal with when they're angry. but when Monday rolls around, she finds that she can't stay any longer. and so, she searches for him]
[she finds Jason at the homestead tending to animals, of course. Felix the chicken is right on her heels, pecking at the ground every so often as he walks. her approach is cautious, but not hesitant. she imagines he's still angry]
[He's tired, honestly. An all-encompassing sense of weariness weighting down on his bones and causing his body to feel like it's made out of lead. He doesn't feel as angry as he did the other day, but... that may or may not be a good thing. After all, it's been rage and anger and indignation that has driven him to survive through all his life. If it weren't for that, he doubts he would have lasted for as long as he did.
For now, however, the boiling rage from Saturday has been replaced with numbness. Though the anger is still there, there is little else beside it. Yuna, Xion, Shinnosuke, Natalie — they're all gone, along with so many other good people who didn't deserve to die. People he wishes he could have gotten to know better, but didn't.
When Milla finds him, he's feeding the horses in an attempt to keep his mind off their seemingly inevitable doom. It's producing mixed results, but he does look up when she calls his name, staring at her for all of two seconds before quickly looking away. He's... well. He's not angry at her, per say, but he did injure her ribs again with his little stunt at the Town Hall. And even though it was a necessary evil, he still feels ashamed over that.
... He's not telling her to buzz off, though. That's good? Probably.]
[it is something! and she takes it as an indication that it's okay for her to stick around. once she's close enough, she reaches out to place her hand on the horse's neck, fingers running across the animal's fur and mane. she can. . . kind of tell what's on Jason's mind, based on his body language, so she doesn't waste any time in trying to ease his guilt]
My ribs are fine, by the way.
[she says as she lifts her other hand to pat them gently]
It stung a bit, but you didn't do any further damage. And I'm not angry at you, either.
[She says she's not angry, but she should be. If not for Noctis and Damian acting quickly, he could have seriously hurt her. He wanted to hurt her, for getting in the way and for stopping him from bloodying his hands. Part of him knows why she and the others did it. Part of him is well aware that there is a line that would have been crossed — one he wouldn't have been able to come back from later. He knows this, but the part of him that grew up in the streets still feels like it's been deprived of something vital.
An eye for an eye. Cutting down those who hurt one of your own. That's the way it's supposed to be.
But he knows it's not, and that if he threads down this path, he'll end up just like his adult self. A murderer. So exhaling sharply through his nose, he shakes his head at her. All he's carrying with him today is a rulebook and a pencil, his notebook set aside permanently.
On it, he writes:]
But I wanted to. You should be angry at me.
[Like, he absolutely wanted to wreck her for getting in his way. That's a fact.]
[she says simply, very much aware of that fact. but somehow, it doesn't change things]
I was in your way. I deprived you of something you felt was rightfully yours. [revenge] If anything, you should be angry at me.
[nevertheless, her eyes slip shut and she bows her head slightly]
But. . . I stopped you, because I didn't want to see you make that decision in the heat of the moment. That's all.
[if it had been one he wanted after he had the chance to calm down, then things would've been different. at least then, he would've had time to consider all of his choices. he would've had time to seriously contemplate whether he wanted to start down the road of blood and vengeance on his own. but in the middle of the trial, seconds after snapping angrily at Natalie's bloodied killer. . . she didn't want him making any choices that he might have regretted]
[It hurts. There's something squeezing at his chest, making every breath he takes an effort. Milla is such a good friend, he realizes. He had been right in thinking she was trustworthy all those weeks ago, secretly putting his faith in her to keep Damian safe even before she knew he had learned of her role. Milla is such an amazing person, and he doesn't know what he's done to deserve having her around him. She stopped him from making a choice he would regret later, and yet—
"You believe it's better to get rid of criminals permanently. So you kill them."
He doesn't know if he'll ever escape his future. He doesn't know if his emotions will get the better of him one day, causing him to make a choice he won't ever come back from. He... Well. When he writes something down again, he has trouble meeting Milla's gaze.]
When I'm older, I become a murderer. I will kill people because I think they deserve it. [...] But that's not a future I want. I don't want to be a crook. So thank you for stopping me, Milla.
[He trusts her. She's saved his ass more than once, and... he thinks she might be the only one who's possible reaction to this doesn't make him afraid.]
[she opens her eyes to read what he wrote, and her reaction is to just. . . smile. she doesn't pass judgment against people for killing-- not even here, in this town, where people die every single week. after all, she took lives back home in her capacity as the Lord of Spirits. she killed a few men in order to save the lives of millions. her hands weren't clean, and she was okay with that]
[but to see his resolve in the words he wrote. . . that she can admire]
I believe in you.
[she says with a nod]
I believe that if that isn't the future you want, then you'll be able to make the correct choices that allow you to follow the path you most desire. And if my stopping you helped you stay on that path, then. . . you're welcome.
[Jason is a good kid, anger issues or not. she has faith in him. she has faith in his future]
Good to know this continues to be true and accurate.
Which is to say, Milla continues to be one of the most amazing individuals Jason has had the pleasure of meeting. Damian would scream at him for wanting to change the future. Call him selfish, perhaps. Or an idiot, if he wants to be more accurate. But he refuses to allow his future to be decided by someone who wishes to use him as a tool against his family.]
Thank you.
[Even if he's still battling against the resentment, he means it. Thank you for believing in him, Milla.]
[AND YET EVERYONE DIED IN THE END ANYWAY??? CRIES]
[she thinks it's himself he has to worry about letting down more than her, but nevertheless, she reaches out to ruffle his hair slightly. she hadn't really tried the "physical contact as comfort" thing with Jason yet, so she doesn't know how he'll respond to same. thus, she keeps the contact short and light]
Have you tried writing Natalie a letter? If there's something you wish to say to her, then perhaps writing it down might help.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
week 7, monday
[she finds Jason at the homestead tending to animals, of course. Felix the chicken is right on her heels, pecking at the ground every so often as he walks. her approach is cautious, but not hesitant. she imagines he's still angry]
[and she doesn't blame him]
Jason?
no subject
For now, however, the boiling rage from Saturday has been replaced with numbness. Though the anger is still there, there is little else beside it. Yuna, Xion, Shinnosuke, Natalie — they're all gone, along with so many other good people who didn't deserve to die. People he wishes he could have gotten to know better, but didn't.
When Milla finds him, he's feeding the horses in an attempt to keep his mind off their seemingly inevitable doom. It's producing mixed results, but he does look up when she calls his name, staring at her for all of two seconds before quickly looking away. He's... well. He's not angry at her, per say, but he did injure her ribs again with his little stunt at the Town Hall. And even though it was a necessary evil, he still feels ashamed over that.
... He's not telling her to buzz off, though. That's good? Probably.]
no subject
My ribs are fine, by the way.
[she says as she lifts her other hand to pat them gently]
It stung a bit, but you didn't do any further damage. And I'm not angry at you, either.
no subject
An eye for an eye. Cutting down those who hurt one of your own. That's the way it's supposed to be.
But he knows it's not, and that if he threads down this path, he'll end up just like his adult self. A murderer. So exhaling sharply through his nose, he shakes his head at her. All he's carrying with him today is a rulebook and a pencil, his notebook set aside permanently.
On it, he writes:]
But I wanted to. You should be angry at me.
[Like, he absolutely wanted to wreck her for getting in his way. That's a fact.]
no subject
[she says simply, very much aware of that fact. but somehow, it doesn't change things]
I was in your way. I deprived you of something you felt was rightfully yours. [revenge] If anything, you should be angry at me.
[nevertheless, her eyes slip shut and she bows her head slightly]
But. . . I stopped you, because I didn't want to see you make that decision in the heat of the moment. That's all.
[if it had been one he wanted after he had the chance to calm down, then things would've been different. at least then, he would've had time to consider all of his choices. he would've had time to seriously contemplate whether he wanted to start down the road of blood and vengeance on his own. but in the middle of the trial, seconds after snapping angrily at Natalie's bloodied killer. . . she didn't want him making any choices that he might have regretted]
no subject
"You believe it's better to get rid of criminals permanently. So you kill them."
He doesn't know if he'll ever escape his future. He doesn't know if his emotions will get the better of him one day, causing him to make a choice he won't ever come back from. He... Well. When he writes something down again, he has trouble meeting Milla's gaze.]
When I'm older, I become a murderer. I will kill people because I think they deserve it. [...] But that's not a future I want. I don't want to be a crook.
So thank you for stopping me, Milla.
[He trusts her. She's saved his ass more than once, and... he thinks she might be the only one who's possible reaction to this doesn't make him afraid.]
no subject
[but to see his resolve in the words he wrote. . . that she can admire]
I believe in you.
[she says with a nod]
I believe that if that isn't the future you want, then you'll be able to make the correct choices that allow you to follow the path you most desire. And if my stopping you helped you stay on that path, then. . . you're welcome.
[Jason is a good kid, anger issues or not. she has faith in him. she has faith in his future]
no subject
Good to know this continues to be true and accurate.
Which is to say, Milla continues to be one of the most amazing individuals Jason has had the pleasure of meeting. Damian would scream at him for wanting to change the future. Call him selfish, perhaps. Or an idiot, if he wants to be more accurate. But he refuses to allow his future to be decided by someone who wishes to use him as a tool against his family.]
Thank you.
[Even if he's still battling against the resentment, he means it. Thank you for believing in him, Milla.]
I promise I won't let you down.
no subject
[she thinks it's himself he has to worry about letting down more than her, but nevertheless, she reaches out to ruffle his hair slightly. she hadn't really tried the "physical contact as comfort" thing with Jason yet, so she doesn't know how he'll respond to same. thus, she keeps the contact short and light]
Have you tried writing Natalie a letter? If there's something you wish to say to her, then perhaps writing it down might help.