[BARNHAM]

[thatsthespirit]

[private posts for Barnhammerstein!!]

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week 4, saturday night, post-trial

[thatsthespirit]

[welp. here she is again. sitting in the saloon, nursing a glass of wine, one hand pressed against her bruised ribs. this week's events hadn't been quite as frustrating as last week's. there was a small bit of satisfaction at finally catching at least one killer, but. . .]

[knowing there were still five out there (six, counting the Coal Miner) kind of erased it all]

[anyway, Milla waits in silence for Barnham to show up, eyes closed to the point of where it almost looks like she's asleep sitting up]

[moraled]

[As promised, he soon walks in (Constantine at his heels, because he couldn't keep him pent up any longer), and takes a seat next to Milla silently. Before he thinks about a drink, he makes sure to have water in a bowl for the dog.

And then, he sighs.]

Miss Maxwell--good evening. How are your injuries?

[thatsthespirit]

[she slides him a full glass as he prepares the water for his dog. it's porange wine again. is that like. . . all she drinks???]

Healing, albeit slowly. Honestly, the only thing that allows me to be as mobile as I am is the medication Dr. Lecter gave me.

. . . although I've recently learned that taking too much may be a bad thing.

[so she should probably like. chill on the pain meds, honestly]

[moraled]

[It might be all she drinks, but he's not going to complain???

Milla should you even be drinking while taking painkillers...]

I see.

[It's kind of a shitty situation, but what isn't.]

Please, take care of yourself in the upcoming week. I fear...the chaos has become such that it can no longer be controlled.

[thatsthespirit]

[. . . probably not tbh, BUT SHE DOESN'T KNOW BETTER??? NO ONE TOLD HER??? also she probably won't drink much anyway thanks to the trial]

I intend to. Dr. Lecter told me to rest, and Percy told me to "chill" for a while. And by "chill," he also meant "rest."

[because apparently they mean the same thing??? or something??? human phrases]

I must admit, I don't like sitting around and doing nothing when there are places to explore and secrets to find. But I understand that I'm not in any condition to be taking on dangerous activities.

[moraled]

[Alas, Barnham also doesn't know better so here milla lies, death by drinking while taking painkillers.]

Indeed. You have done a great deal to assist us in discovering more of this town.

[There's a pause, and he frowns.]

It loathes me to have others take such obvious risks. However... I believe there is merit in the thought that the information we could gather from those places shall be invaluable.

[thatsthespirit]

[and everyone else thought she'd be murdered. or, at least, die doing something dangerous]

Precisely. And I know for a fact that we're meant to discover these secrets, too. The Sheriff told me as much when I asked him.

"Brown nosing"-- [no Milla that is not the term] -- into the secrets of this town may be a part of the "entertainment" we're supposedly providing, but I'm certain it'll also give us answers. Answer that will help us all get home safely.

[moraled]

[Brown...nosing?? have you been brown nosing the sheriff, milla...]

I believe so as well.

... However, if you would, please take a break from doing anything reckless.

[Honestly, Milla!!]

If there if something you terribly require explored, please inform me. I shall assist as I may.

[And he doesn't have broken ribs.]

[thatsthespirit]

[no she's just terrible at turns of phrase?? BROWN NOSING DOES NOT MEAN WHAT SHE THINKS IT MEANS!!]

Well. . . there are still nine other boarded up buildings to open, if you're feeling rather brave.

week 5, saturday night, post-trial

[thatsthespirit]

[SO HOW ABOUT KIA HITTING THAT BETRAY BUTTON, HUH]

[as usual, Milla can be found in the saloon with a glass of porange wine in front of her. she isn't drinking it, however. . . choosing instead to share at it with furrowed brows and a deep brown]

[Barnham's glass has already been prepared, in anticipation for his arrival. she knows this song and dance by now]

[moraled]

[And like clockwork, here he is, settling into the seat next to her. Weirdly, his throat feels tight; he's not used to this feeling, and he's not sure what to make of it.

It's a little hard to breathe, though.

Slowly, he takes a breath in and lets it out, and then he reaches for his glass and takes a drink.

He needs the burn of liquor right now, because he's not even sure what else he should be holding onto right now.]

[thatsthespirit]

[. . . she isn't sure if it's good or bad that this town has helped her become more attuned to the signs of someone suffering. to the visible cues of sadness, heartbreak, hurt and betrayal]

[she also isn't sure if it's good that this town has helped her become better at comforting those who need it]

[but that doesn't matter right now. right now, Barnham looks like hell and she imagines he feels like it, too]

. . . did you speak with her?

[moraled]

... I did.

[Those two words are raw enough, he thinks, to explain just how he feels about that conversation. A lot went unsaid, and a lot was left untouched, but...

It's all they can do, now.

He glances at her, and is grateful that Milla is still here, because if he's fraying, it's good there's someone strong still here.]

...We have done all that we can.

[So why...doesn't it feel like enough?]

[thatsthespirit]

[haha someone strong who is cracking a little bit under the pressure, too. but she's trying. she has always tried to hold her head up high, and she'll keep doing just that, even if she shatters]

We have.

[lets out a deep breath, ignoring the way it stings her broken ribs]

. . . Barnham. . .

I'm not certain I have. . . ever felt this way before.

[it's worse than the regret. worse than the guilt she relayed to him after Tarvek's execution a few weeks ago. its heartbreak, and it makes her angry at herself and angry at the Sheriff, and gods she doesn't know what to do with it]

[but Barnham has always been able to help her with these feelings before, so she feels comfortable enough to bring them up to him again]

[moraled]

[... Ah.

He admittedly doesn't know much of Milla's life. The lord of spirits schtick, the Four, everything that he's learned has been in bits and pieces, due to their own rough circumstances.

But he can see what she means.

To never have felt this sort of heartbreak and betrayal. To never have felt this sort of broken humanity... he thinks he understands that much, in his own way.

His own breaking had begun before this game but it'd been completed here.]

I fear... the helplessness only emphasizes these feelings.

[Heartbreak, compounded by the inability to do anything to fix it. Sadness and anger, compounded by helplessness.]

To lose so much, with no manner of recourse... [It's obscene, really. How is anyone supposed to cope with this?]

[thatsthespirit]

[she closes her eyes an scrunches her face together irately]

Knowing that loss will occur even when you attempt to take precautions to try and stop it.

[some of that anger returns, though it's laced with exhaustion. she!! doesn't like this!! and she still hates that Yuna and Russell died when she and Jason were trying to protect them!!]

I-- don't like the way this game is messing with my judgment. [not at all nope] I've let my emotions overtake my actions on more than one occasion now. It's unbecoming for a spirit of my stature.

[. . .]

[and the anger deflates]

What does one do with those feelings? How have you. . . managed to handle them?

[moraled]

[By breaking slowly into small pieces...

They're both chipping quite a bit to be sure. There's no denying that. But Barnham... when Milla looks that exhausted, he finds that he can't not keep his chin up. He has to try to be strong for her, just as she's doing for him.

He sighs.]

... It is a game intended to mess with your judgement. Without doubt, that is its main goal. That has... never changed.

As for my feelings, I... [How has he handled them? He takes a drink of his glass, expression twisting.]

... I focus on what can be done, though there is little. I focus on those who require more assistance than I do.

I do what I can, so as to not be overwhelmed.

week 6, saturday night, post-trial

[thatsthespirit]

[same time, same place, and the drinks are already ready! but this time, when Milla waits for Barnham to arrive, she looks. . . distracted. fidgety, almost? huh. wonder what's up with her]

[moraled]

[Fidgety Millas.... he's a little concerned.

But at the very least, when he arrives, he nods to her and lifts his drink to her in a wry and solemn toast.

While he tries to figure out why she's so fidgety.]

[thatsthespirit]

[lifts her drink as well, her mouth twitching into a wry smile. she seems to calm down when he arrives, at least]

I don't feel as though we have much to toast to this week, unfortunately.

[moraled]

There is little.

[He'll admit that much, but then, more thoughtfully, with a ruminating tone:]

... To Young Percy's determination, and Mister Todd's bravery, then. To Noctis' honor, Miss Papika's strength...and your own warmth and kindness, of course.

I believe there are still those things to toast to.

[He's tired, but he means it sincerely--if nothing else, the bravery and natures of most of the people here are something he feels honored to have encountered.]

[thatsthespirit]

[ah. . .]

And to your strong dedication to the truth, no matter how difficult it may be to swallow.

[you can't just leave yourself out there, buddy. she clinks their glasses together, and then tilts hers back for a drink]

[moraled]

[He'll accept that with a nod, lips quirking into a smile. That, he thinks, is something he would gratefully accept as a character trait.

He tips his own glass back, before setting it down on the bar surface and nodding to her.]

How are your injuries, Miss Maxwell?

[thatsthespirit]

[after taking a drink from her glass, she places it on the counter and presses her palm against her ribs]

Sore. Jason agitated the wounds pretty badly, honestly. But I've had worse. They'll. . . heal, in time.

[moraled]

I see... I shall attempt to keep the majority of my concern to myself, then.

[Milla can handle herself after all...but, well, it's only natural to be worried for her these days.]